I was beating myself up last night over a pathetic email I sent to the powers that be. My dh listened intently for several minutes before slowly turning to me and asking, “Since when do you need permission to write?”
The question stopped me cold. Until that moment, I didn’t realize that was what I was doing. I thought about it for a few seconds and realized he was absolutely correct. I’ve been subconsciously asking for permission to write, by waiting for that outside voice to tell me what to work on.
When in the hell did that happen? When did I transfer my power to others outside of myself, who never asked for it in the first place? Talk about an epiphany. That question rang with such resonance that for a moment I thought I was Big Ben. (wg)
Today, I’m still trying to digest the knowledge that I’ve been doing that and figure out what action I’m going to take to change. I didn’t get into this business to please others. I mean, I’m happy if people dig what I write, but I didn’t initially write it for them. I wrote it for myself.
I think it’s time to get back to writing for me. The path I need to take has suddenly become crystal clear. I’ve been worrying so much about keeping what I have attained that I forgot to think about what I want, what I need, what makes me happy. Not anymore.
January 13th, 2005
I understand completely. 100% Good for you for remembering why you starting writing in the first place. You’re a hugely talented writer. Don’t sell yourself short. In this business I think we do that far too often.
by Sylvia Day January 13th, 2005 at 3:03 pmSylvia, Thank you.
I think you’re right, we do. I also think it only gets worse when the stakes rise. That’s why when my dh said that it was like a slap across the face. I really hadn’t realized I’d been doing that until that moment. Wow! Shame on me. No more.
by Jordan January 13th, 2005 at 5:11 pmby Anonymous January 13th, 2005 at 6:15 pm
Wow thanks Jordan for sharing! Very insightful =)
by Cece January 13th, 2005 at 6:16 pmGreat, great, post. Jordan. Sometime in all the concerns with selling, following the rules, etc, we forget the joy we first had with just telling the story of our hearts.
by Jaq January 13th, 2005 at 8:33 pmGreat post, Jordan. Soemthing for us all to remember.
by Sasha January 14th, 2005 at 1:57 amThanks guys! It’s been a real eye opening experience for me too. :-/
by Jordan January 14th, 2005 at 11:57 amJordan, that’s a smart decision. Writing what you love is always the right thing to do. I found myself feeling a lot how you felt a few years and decided to go back to writing to please myself, and surprisingly that turned out to please editors as well. I think when you’re having fun with your own writing is when your truest voice shines.
by Suzanne January 16th, 2005 at 6:58 amSuzanne, Thanks for stopping by. I completely agree. I didn’t realize how much it was affecting me until recently. (That black ball of resentment was beginning to look like the blob. LOL!) I think it must be common for writers. It’s so easy to slip off the path you want to be on. I hope my editors feel the same way as yours did. I definitely think the change will show in my work.
by Jordan January 16th, 2005 at 11:14 am