I was having a conversation with a good friend yesterday about the things she’s heard readers say to writers and the things that have been said to her specifically. Now for those of you who’ve never visited my blog, I was a flight attendant for 14+ years. I’ve had people say some pretty outrageous stuff to me. For the first 5 to 8 years of flying, I took what they had to say with a smile planted on my face. After that, I started calling them on their bad behavior.
I have no idea why people feel like they can walk up to you and say anything (rude, mean, insulting) and expect you to take it.
This thread kind of ties into the blog entries on various sites where authors were discussing the fact that they can’t defend their books in public if the ‘attack’ goes from their work to personal. Nor can they criticize other writers. (Not that I would publicly.) Mainly because it’s not worth my time. If I didn’t enjoy a book by an author, I just won’t buy their work in the future. I don’t feel the need to walk up to that author and tell them face to face that I ‘hate’ their book.
Honest to goodness, I’m flabbergasted that someone would feel like they have the right to be that MEAN/RUDE to someone they don’t even know just because they purchased their book. How are you supposed to respond to that? Whatever happened to basic manners?
My friend handled this situation with grace and class. I can honestly say I doubt I’d have done the same. There’s a VERY small gap between what I’m thinking and what comes out of my mouth. To be frank, it would be a miracle if I didn’t tell them to go outside and play a game of hide and go f*&k themselves. Jordan, who’s taking winning friends and influencing people to a new level…LOL!
March 16th, 2005
As a waitress/bartender for 15 years…I hear everyhting you said!
As a writer…if someone came up to me and said that, I HOPE i’d just ssay something like..”Did I MAKE you buy it?”
Chances are I’d say something else though. Somethign similar to your response. *g*
by Sasha March 16th, 2005 at 12:05 pmI think people who’ve worked customer service are more likely to have a ‘colorful’ response to such behavior. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it, potty mouth and all.
by Jordan March 16th, 2005 at 12:17 pmCommon courtesy and common sense aren’t so common anymore. It’s a shame.
by Eve Jameson March 16th, 2005 at 1:46 pmEve, You’re right. I guess I just can’t fathom anyone being that rude to a stranger. I wonder what kind of response they’re looking for. Do they expect the person to apologize? Do they want you to beg them to read your books? I really don’t get it.
by Jordan March 16th, 2005 at 2:54 pmI totally agree that jerks and idiots DESERVE to be chewed out and taken outside and flogged and/or put in the stocks. (Can you tell my critique group has some historical novels going?) However, my personal problem with this is that it always winds up causing me many more problems than it solves. People who are jerks as adults are not likely to change their ways because I get in their face about what idiots they are. They probably were losers long before they showed up on my doorstep. I try to be grateful that they are not in my family and that I don’t have to deal with them long term. I get over the situation faster and have more peace of mind if I handle things with grace and move on. These kinds of people are SO not worth our time. I’m not shy and I don’t mind confrontation if it’s productive. But sadly, with many of these people it is not. Hey, does this mean if we hate a CD we can harrass the singer or if we don’t like the way our jeans fit we can track down the designer and shout at them? And what about that underwear that creeps up our rears? Uh, right!
by coffee jill March 16th, 2005 at 3:28 pmAnd unfortunately the internet is a license for stupidity. I know one bestselling author who wont have a message board for this reason–it’s giving someone the green light to behave badly and SOMEONE will.
I’m howling at hide and go f%ck yourself Jordan. Gonna have to jot that one down =)
I’m sorry it wasn’t to your taste, comes to mind but at the same time I don’t think we should have to apologize because someone didn’t like something we wrote. It’s like apologizing for breathing.
by Cece March 16th, 2005 at 4:22 pmJill, LOL on the flogging and the stocks. You forgot drawn and quartered. (evil grin) I didn’t mean to give you the impression I would get in someone’s face. It would take a lot to get me to that point. I’m more likely to respond with, “My book’s not for everyone, but how mean of you to say.” I’ve found with flying that you can say most anything to people as long as you keep a smile pasted to your face and follow it with, “Have a nice day, bu-bye.”
by Jordan March 16th, 2005 at 5:21 pmCece, I think you’re right about the internet playing a big part in the growing trend of bad behavior. It’s a pity really, considering how many people it brings together.
You can thank my dh for coming up with the hide and go f*ck yourself comment. Whoever originally came up with the saying is brilliant. LOL!
I also don’t think an apology is the appropriate response. Are we really sorry we wrote our book? Hell no! I have a horrible habit of apologizing for everything, so I’m going to have to make a concerted effort to NOT do that if the situation arises.
by Jordan March 16th, 2005 at 5:28 pmI work at a college, and have gone from working with non-traditional (older) students, who actually say please and thank you, to those right out of HS. Can anyone say “home training”? Stick to your guns–you teach people how to treat you.
by Marty K March 16th, 2005 at 6:21 pmExcellent points. I would imagine why most people would confront an author out of spite is because of their failures they’re hiding behind. It would seem most people who would confront an author haven’t written anything themsleves.
When I see someone acting the fool and treating others poorly I ask for their business card in a polite manner. When in hand I tell them I will be contacting their boss and tell them what I think of the way they treat others in public. It usually knee caps them right there.
by Pirate March 16th, 2005 at 6:38 pmI’ve got bad news for you, Jordan–as you get older, that small gap between what you think & what you say gets even smaller…
I’ve been in a customer service job for about 18 years. Courtesy is dead. Trust me. I usually recommend taking the high road–but that doesn’t mean getting stepped on. I’ve been nice enough to tell someone “I’d appreciate you respecting my feelings as much as I respect your opinion.”
by Dreamweaver March 16th, 2005 at 11:40 pmHave also been known to reply, “I don’t get paid to be abused. Take your opinion & shove it up your ass.”
So much for that gap…
I worked in a book store for a while and I had many regulars who loved my recommendations. But one day I recommended a really good book to a guy who wanted to know about criminal profiling. I handed him one of John Douglas’ books, which is really phenomenal.
The guy came back a couple of days later ranting and raving. He’d had a really visceral reaction to it. I came close to offering to exchange the book, since it was a used book store, but then didn’t. He was such a jack-ass and he wanted to argue with me. Basically called me an idiot for recommending the book because he wasted his money on it.
I finally found out that he’d gone through a lot the same kind of abuse that many of the criminals in the book had, and he was outraged that Douglas ‘implied’ that he’d become a serial killer or something.
In my book, he wasn’t exactly acting rationally. Sometimes it’s all about the person freaking out. Not about the writer. They may see something in the writing that reminds them of themselves and they don’t like it.
Nothing anyone can do about it. *Shrug*
by Trace March 17th, 2005 at 7:16 amMean people do suck. And I envy those of you who have answers on the tip of your tongues to get your point across and not be walked on. One of my biggest wishes is to be able to have snappy comebacks! I’m a few months shy of 40. Is it too late for me?
by Cheyenne McCray March 17th, 2005 at 8:19 amChey–of course not!
Jordan, no of course we’re not sorry =)
Marty I’m one of those old fashioned mother’s who wont tolerate bad manners
by Cece March 17th, 2005 at 10:55 amMarty, I don’t envy you working at a school. I do agree that it does all begin at home. My mother would’ve killed me, if I behaved like some of the people I’ve encountered.
Pirate, That’s a good one. I’ll have to remember to ask for their business card. LOL! I’ve known a few flight attendants that have used this approach.
Dream, LOL! My favorite saying on the airplane when someone was yelling at me used to be, “I do not have the temperament to stand here and allow you to continue yelling at me.” This was said with a very low and calm voice. It was always interesting to tick off the seconds until they registered what I’d said. In EVERY case, they dropped their voice and stepped back.
Trace, That’s an interesting take on the subject. I have also wondered if the case wasn’t that the subject matter hit too close to home.
Chey, I don’t think it’s too late for you. You just need to get out of that shell a little. I know you have it in you. (wg)
by Jordan March 17th, 2005 at 11:06 am