July 26th, 2005
All By Myself…Don’t Want to Be…All By Myself

Feeling a little Bridget Jones’ Diary here with everyone leaving to go to the RWA conference in Reno. Actually, most people left yesterday. I keep telling myself the ‘quiet’ is perfect for getting a lot of writing done, but so far I haven’t done anything other than beat the computer game Luxor twice. (If you knew how hard that game was you’d be duly impressed. 😉

The weird thing is I chose not to go to the conference. I didn’t HAVE to stay home. I wanted to, so I don’t know why I’m feeling left behind. I have been going through this very strange mood lately where I want to get rid of everything. This has happened before, but normally the mood’s only been directed toward my closet. This time around it’s different. I have the overwhelming urge to unsubscribe/withdraw from EVERYTHING.

I don’t think many of the groups I belong to are serving a purpose in my life. They did when I joined, but over the years became more of a habit than anything else.

Has this happened to any of you? Did you start out part of something, then realize later it really wasn’t for you or what you needed anymore?

26 comments to “All By Myself…Don’t Want to Be…All By Myself”

  1. Hi Jordan! I did the blog workshop with you at RWCList and, yep, now it’s official. I’m hooked.

    I can’t say that I feel like quiting anything just yet, because well I just joind. So not tired of them just yet.

    However, I am one of those not going to Reno. Not by choice. Actually, never been to one but, hopefully next year.


  2. Peggy, I’m glad I hooked you. 😉 You should definitely get to one Nationals, if for no other reason than to see the spectacle. 😀

  3. Has this happened to any of you? Did you start out part of something, then realize later it really wasn’t for you or what you needed anymore?

    I sure did. 🙂 About 3/4 of the online groups I was subscribed to, although a wonderful source of information and comraderie, became more of a distraction and hindrance than help because they took up so much time. So, I unsubbed from just about all of them when I started a YA novel last fall, a new and challenging genre for me.

    As for the conference, I don’t think the RWA logo has much (if anything) to do with wanting to be there–I think it’s more the comraderie of being with those who are in the same boat, so to speak. Your peers and other people in the business. I think it must be an exciting atmosphere and it would be very nice to put faces to some of the names you read and share with on a daily basis.

    I live in NS, Canada, so I doubt I’ll ever get to attend a conference unless it was held somewhere on the east coast. But after all the garbage that’s been spewn lately, I’m not sure I’d go, even if I had renewed my membership. 🙂

  4. I withdrew from everything a long time ago. As someone else said, it’s too distracting. Plus there always seems to be one drama or another erupting. It could be a list for monks who have taken a vow of typing silence and somehow drama will still manage to surface. It gets old and tiring. They say ignorance is bliss for a reason! 😛

  5. Nancy, I hope you get to make a conference sometime soon. I hear you about the groups. I initially joined for the comraderie, but even that has waned over the years. I think I’m going to have to do a huge pull back VERY soon.

  6. Jaid, The drama is my biggest problem with most of the lists. (Not all, but most.) I’m tired of the mental bombardment. It can’t be good for the health or the writing. You’re right about ignorance. (wg)

  7. I’ve never really joined much of anything–but I did have to divorce myself from some of the message boards. The support is wonderful, but I was spending too much time there, and not getting any writing done because I was TALKING about writing.
    When I REALLY get a burr in my butt, it’s offline, no visiting, shopping, family, no phone calls–nothing.
    It seems to help restore my sanity occasionally (well, what there is of it, lol!).

  8. Raine, I’ve been considering the off line thing too. I listen to Stephen King’s On Writing every night as I’m falling to sleep. He says the same thing. That the hours you spend talking about writing are not the same as writing. I’ve been hearing that particular statement a lot in my head. I think I’ll take a break right now and go write.

  9. I haven’t been on loops or lists or links in forever it seems. I’m subb’d to a few now, but am no mail on most and can’t even say what they are. (I get mail from two small writers loops, and a small friends loop, that’s it!) Blogs seem to be a better way of handling the information. I can pick and choose who I read, where I respond. I know not to visit certain places. On lists, you get hit with the crap whether you want to be or not! Blogging is definitely a self-preservation move for me.

  10. Alison, That’s an interesting take on the situation. I’ve also considered having blog hopping be my ONLY connection.

  11. It could be a list for monks who have taken a vow of typing silence and somehow drama will still manage to surface.

    jaid I’m howling! this is SO true. Yes Jordan there are some lists I’ve stayed on far too long. what really irritates me is the lists that have like NO mail that I stay on! WTF? LOL Leave Already!

    Nancy there’s a list for YA-chick lit writers if you’re interested *ggg* very informative and a really nice group.

  12. Cece, I hear you. I’m wondering what’s the point about a lot of things right now.

  13. Hi Jordan,

    I attended a conference this year, what a huge mistake. I was so bummed when I came home. I felt like I wasted my money. Lots and lots of drama. I honestly can’t say that I took anything away from it. From what I hear the comments after the conference were very negative. So hopefully they will improve by next year. I thought the conference would be more of a community for writers. I think the feeling I wanted was more of a writers retreat.

  14. Well, of course I’ve joined stuff and then realized it wasn’t what I needed anymore. I’ve even felt that way about motherhood at times (heh, heh). But I see absolutely nothing wrong with politely saying farewell and seeking out what works for you NOW. Life is too short to ride the guilt train. You have to feed your soul and your writing Jordan–just focus on that. Let everything else fall to the side. And never be afraid to ASK for what you need. Grace comes from unlikely sources. Remember, my advice is worth what you’re paying for it 🙂

  15. IMHO the best way to leave a list is to leave it without fanfare. If you say goodbye, it gives the drama queens more gossip. I’m with Alison on blogs…excellent invention!

  16. I used to be on a lot of loops, but mostly as a lurker. Now I’m on one or two, set to no email, and honestly, I rarely go and check them out anymore. I don’t miss the angst and the questions and the drama. I love the blogs, and that’s really where my participation ends. But I still manage to find my procrastination. I like your idea of listening to the Stephen King book at night – I think I’m going to have to steal that idea…

  17. I don’t belong to anything, and I agree with Alison 100%. We’re already using weblogs to create our own informal groups, info loops, workshops, and even some virtual writing retreats. Blogs are free, fun, and the time commitment is manageable. You can come and go as you please, and easily avoid what you couldn’t at a local chapter meeting.

  18. Julie, I think it depends on the conference. I know at Nationals last year in Dallas several of my friends talked about feeling down afterwards. Normally, they pump you up to write, but for some reason that didn’t happen. I think it was because Harlequin announced line cuts a week before the conference. Everyone was depressed and edgy. That vibe permeated the place. I know I wanted to go home by day two.

  19. CJ, You’re right. Life IS too short. 🙂 Oh, btw, your advice is worth MUCH more than I paid for it. 😉

  20. Jaid, I agree. I’m getting much more out of blog hopping than I am out of meetings. Now, if I could just find a blog that posts all the latest industry info, I’d be set. 😀

  21. Steph, Steal away. I honestly never get tired of listening to the man. (wg)

  22. PBW, I think I need more info on the ‘info loops’. 😀

  23. I hear you Jordan. I cut ties with lots of e-groups, but I kept coming back to them because it feels a bit lonely to be sitting here, typing away but you really aren’t communicating with anyone. I do appreciate blogs as well, but that takes up even more time than listservs! It’s a Catch-22.

  24. I stopped going to most of the groups that I used to participate in. I am in a few for various other interests but mostly I just have a small group of friends that I engage with online. I am constantly looking to make connections with new people but for a specific purpose, not just at random. I too have experienced the drama of online communities and decided it was better for me to just stop then to put up with it. If it helps you focus Jordan to leave the groups than it is definitely a good thing.

  25. Sienna, You definitely have to walk a fine line.

  26. Shannon, Renewed focus is what I’m shooting for.