So dh and I decided to catch Oceans at the theater this afternoon. We got there in plenty of time. The show wasn’t sold out, so there was no struggling to find a seat. We went down a few rows to leave some space between us and the people in the nearest row. We’d just turned off our cell phones and settled in when a group of elderly folks wandered in and sat right behind us. Hot in their geriatric heels came a father with his two daughters. The father was carrying a tray full of snacks and the one daughter, who looked to be around seven, was carrying her little sister, who was definitely in the one to two range. No problem. He walked them down toward the front of the theater and sat. The youngest child made it a half second before she started screaming. If we had brains in our heads, we would’ve called it an omen and left then.
The lights dim and the film starts. Picture a ranging sea. Beautiful blue waters teaming with life. You hear the first words out of Pierce Brosnan’s mouth as he begins to narrate. They are followed by the voices of the elderly women sitting behind us doing a running commentary of everything and I mean EVERYTHING on the screen.
Such pretty water. It looks rough though. Is that a fish? What is that? Oh my, I think it’s a lizard. What island were they talking about? The baby turtles are being eaten by the birds. How awful. Oh no, the sharks are eating the seals. Oh no, the killer whales are eating the baby seals? Is that a snake? It looks like a snake, but it’s in the water. What kind of fish is that? I’ve never seen one of those before. My goodness the shrimp pulled the crab’s claw off. Did you see that? What is that? Oh, it’s a sea horse. I could hardly tell it was there. You’d never see that rock fish if you were walking in the water. It looks just like a rock…etc.
Imagine, a rock fish looking like a rock. The baby took her cue during the few moments of silence. She would cry or squeal or scream. You know, typical toddler noises. When she wasn’t filling the silence, you could hear the whirling sound of the hearing aid the gentleman a few rows back was wearing. At first it sounded like an old projector. (If you’re too young to know what that sounds like, ask your parents.) Upon second listen, we thought something was wrong with the sound system. It was only after listening for a while longer that we finally figured out what it was. (Now I understand the hearing aid, since he obviously needed to hear the film.) Not sure it needed to be turned up that high. I half expected for him to burn out the motor and see smoke spewing from his ears. Did I mention that the dad had the seven year old actually watching her little sister throughout the entire movie? And that they were walking up and down the aisles to stare at people in the dark? Each time she was led back to the seats she’d begin to scream. Neither child got to see the movie, but dad seemed to enjoy it.
I had to peel dh off the chair. His muscles had locked from all the tension thrumming through his body. He was hoping to relax from a stressful work week, instead the theater experience added to his stress. Got to love a relaxing day at the movies. 🙂